Website: http://www.thefarsidechronicles.com
Last week’s afternoon rains gave me a great pretext to hide out in one of my favorite watering holes with an old friend, Alec. It wasn’t much of a hideout; apparently, everyone else in the neighborhood had the same idea.
The conversations ranged from President Barack Obama’s speech to the Muslim world to how the school district and its lobbyist convinced State Assemblywoman Barbara Buckley, a Democrat, to sabotage and bargain away her own bill introducing a state lottery for education. Maybe she is saving the lottery issue for her campaign when she runs for governor. But Alec had a more important issue than politics on his mind.
He just received an invitation to his grandson’s high school graduation and didn’t know what kind of gift would be appropriate. His son and family live almost 500 miles away and the grandchildren seem to ignore him. They never call or bother to send him an e-mail or a letter, although, they do send a birthday and Christmas card addressed to “Grand-pop.” He said just receiving two greeting cards a year really doesn’t make him feel like a “Grand-pop.” I kind of smiled and said, “Join the crowd.”
I remember the time when grandfathers took the kids fishing, intervening between the discipline of their parents and youthful enthusiasm for curiosity. Even when some families were separated by war or job opportunities, there were always phone calls, letters, respect and love shared by the whole family.
But times have changed. Now, most families are divided, not just by the generation gap of time and age, but by the vast differences in space.
Anyway, why shouldn’t our grandchildren ignore us old folks who live so far away? We don’t really have anything in common! The kids are doing what we did at their age – living. And we are doing what our grandparents did – dreaming and grumbling.
Alec complained that after the initial hellos on the phone, we ask our grandchildren the same questions: How is school? How are your parents? Are you staying out of trouble? What do you enjoy the most about your day? What are you going to do on your summer vacation? They usually skip most of the answers, saying, “Everything is good” and always ask, “How are you feeling, Grand-pop?” At least they ask him how he feels.
I suggested that Alec might want to send his grandson some words of wisdom about building character and write his own commencement speech. Alec had a blank look on his face and asked, “What would I say?” So I told him what I would say to my grandson:
“From this graduation day forward, education, freedom, independence, honesty and character will influence almost every decision you make in the future. You have earned the privilege of becoming an adult. That privilege requires your obligation to act like one. Your health, happiness, decisions, choices, success and disappointments will shape the mold of opportunities for a ‘privileged’ life. However, your obligation, commitment, integrity, honesty, wisdom, dedication and intelligence needed to achieve your goals will cast the die for the eternal human spirit deep within your soul.
“Wisdom is developed through the conduit of thought combined with experience. Life wasn’t meant to be a sacrifice. You don’t have to forfeit your humanity or that human spirit to a religion, philosophy, financial success, friends or a particular individual.
“Life is eclectic. Understanding the differences in cultures, religion and politics will develop wisdom and teach you tolerance regarding other peoples stations in life, views, opinions and beliefs.
“Appearances are deceptive. Class distinction should be measured by how people treat you, not by the color of their skin. So remember my riddle: Sometimes when you can’t see the things you can see, you can see the things you can’t.
“Life is majestic. All forms of life should be respected because they are perfect in their own right and they all serve a purpose in the scheme of life.”
Alec looked over his mug of beer and said, “All of that is fine. I can’t remember half of it and I’m going home.”
Before he left, I said, “Most loving parents have already taught their children basic sensitivities, family values and social responsibilities that build character. As adults, they just have to be reminded to trust themselves and their inner feelings rather than listen to others when making important decisions in life.”
Alec finally started to leave and asked, “How do we remind them to trust their inner feelings and what we taught them as parents when they are so far away raising their own family?”
What I would tell my grandchildren is that their parents and grandparents will always be with them. When making their life-changing decisions, they can’t go wrong if they listen to words of that almost silent inner voice of wisdom hidden deep in the whisper of parental love.
